https://docs.google.com/a/une.edu/document/d/1CqXQMk5_8JHS72rUpdscolsoyOeq6Z3ZY0SWmTl-5ug/edit?usp=sharing
- L. In my first revision I noted that Brett should change the word “do” to “does” to be in the correct tense.
- I. My second revision was questioning the stance of Brett’s paper in hope that it would allow his paper to be more focused and precise.
- I. This revision has to do with focusing the claim of Brett’s sentence. Just saying that the internet has “negative effects” without stating what those effects are sets up the paragraph to be very broad and not focused.
- E. While Brett used an interesting piece of information, I thought that it was off topic from what it seemed he was trying to focus the paragraph on. It could have been used in another situation, or if he had focused his paragraph around the quote.
- E. The comment that Brett made had no real evidence to support that and it seems that through many of the articles we have read and common knowledge of the effects of the internet that his statement was false. He could have possibly re worded this statement to be more accurate.
